This post follows on from my WHO INFLUENCED YOU MORE – PARENTS OR SIBLINGS?
Other than family members, who or what influences you?
When I first became a parent I started to read all those parenting books but all that did was highlight my flaws, or more to the point my parents flaws which in turn have affected me; and that’s a little depressing.
No-body is perfect or without “issues” and no parent is perfect; try as I might I’m going to make mistakes and my kids will have their own “issues”.
The exercise here really is to try and minimize any damage I might do; by acknowledging my shortcomings and see what I can do to overcome them. Knowledge is power and I’d rather not perpetuate some of the less than desirable parenting styles that furnished my parents and their parents before them.
Now this got me thinking about something Dr Phil had said. Let me just say I don’t regularly look to Dr Phil for guidance but he did say something once that pricked my ears up.
The following is an excerpt from Dr Phil’s website.
According to Dr. Phil, you can trace who you’ve become in this life to three types of external factors: 10 defining moments, seven critical choices, and five pivotal people. But first it’s important to understand the following terms:
Ten Defining Moments: In every person’s life, there have been moments, both positive and negative, that have defined and redefined who you are. Those events entered your consciousness with such power that they changed the very core of who and what you thought you were. A part of you was changed by those events, and caused you to define yourself, to some degree by your experience of that event.
Seven Critical Choices: There are a surprisingly small number of choices that rise to the level of life-changing ones. Critical choices are those that have changed your life, positively or negatively, and are major factors in determining who and what you will become. They are the choices that have affected your life up to today, and have set you on a path.
Five Pivotal People: These are the people who have left indelible impressions on your concept of self, and therefore, the life you live. They may be family members, friends or co-workers, and their influences can be either positive or negative. They are people who can determine whether you live consistently with your authentic self, or instead live a counterfeit life controlled by a fictional self that has crowded out who you really are.
This post first featured on my other Mum’s Word blog